Another One Bites the Dust

Like most other New Year's Resolutions that I've made in the past, I'm sad to report that this one was no different. Despite my best efforts and optimistic intentions, it appears as though I have already fallen off the wagon. It seemed simple enough. Take the time to write each and every day. How hard can that be? Apparently it fell into the same category as losing 20 lbs in 10 days and peace on earth.

Unlike other resolutions that have been carelessly thrown by the wayside, I am not giving up on this one. In fact, I never really wanted to stop.  Let's just say the shop was temporarily closed when somebody close to me read the blog and felt compelled to tell me that it was disturbingly "raw, dark and distasteful." Hmmm...for those of you know me, I have ALWAYS been borderline raw and distasteful, so that should come as no surprise. But dark? That sounds a little spooky. Dark, to me, implies that I am without hope. That, at any moment, I could go off the deep end.

Well, I am far from that. I guess I could entertain the possibility of being out of touch with reality or my own self awareness. After all, I went much too long with a higher self esteem and body image than should have been necessary. I think I might have fallen victim to a "skinny" full length mirror in my bedroom because I near died one day when I saw my reflection in a store window. And another. And another.

It is quite obvious that I am an open book. Maybe some are very uncomfortable with that. Maybe I should be more uncomfortable with it too. It is true that if you call my house on any given day, I will tell you exactly how I feel and what is going on at that particular time. It might be good, it might be bad, or it could be ugly - you just never know! But I can assure you that it will be "real."

I think the "realness" comes from my father. To give you a better idea of what I'm talking about, let me paint you a picture.

I was born and raised in Kennewick, Washington, and if you haven't heard of it, you are not missing much. It was there that my entire family resided including both sets of grandparents, a handful of aunts and uncles and too many cousins to count. My father, Mike, is probably the most colorful character of the bunch. A towering 5 feet tall, his machismo, hot Italian temper, one pierced ear and potty mouth makes him larger than life. Although he is crude, rude, abrasive, and offensive, he comes across as strangely likable. I often describe him as a cross between Andrew Dice Clay and Al Bundy. Probably safe to say he’s not your “average” father figure.

Usually people are too embarrassed to fight or yell in front of others. Not my dad. It didn't matter if you had 20 family members sitting in the living room, or if you were in the middle of a crowded restaurant. If something pissed him off - you knew about it. Let me clarify that one step further. EVERYONE knew about it. And as a kid, that was pretty embarrassing to say the least. As an adult, however, I am learning to appreciate that quality a little more although I am probably a wee bit more reserved in social settings. And I do mean just a "wee bit."

So, as I sit here and try to get a little more insight into my inner psyche, I want to be clear that it has never been my intention to hurt any one's feelings or "over expose" the characters in my life. I just think it is more comical and therapeutic to write about the "not so good" stuff. Do you want to hear that my heart melted when my son tells me he loves me more than "candy, hearts, and barbies" - he learned that from his sister? Or that I caught my kid eating the dog's poop...more than once? I don't know. I 'm sure there is room for both types of stories, right?

So, who cares about New Year's Resolutions. They were made to be broken. What's important is that we try to do what makes us happy and fulfilled each and every day - even if we take a brief sabbatical here and there. Here's to writing a few more stories, observations and deep thoughts whenever I feel compelled to do so. And I'll try with all my might to keep things a little less dark, a little less distasteful, but always 100 percent real. Peace out!